Why Marrying A Feminist Is All That Matters

“The most important career choice you’ll make is who you marry.”

-Sheryl Sandberg, author of Lean In and COO of Facebook

I had grand aspirations to write countless posts about our big fat feminist wedding. I was going to regale readers with tips and  tricks on how to navigate the patriarchal state-sanctioned institution of marriage, and in all fairness, I did write a few posts. I talked about picking eco-friendly invitations and getting married before same-sex marriage was legal in Utah (which didn’t end up being the case!), but I didn’t stick to the plan as much as I hoped. As it turns out, planning a wedding is kind of an ordeal.

Blogging be damned, I got married on July 11th.  I walked down the aisle in a blue dress with my best friend as the White Stripes crooned “We’re Going To Be Friends.” We ate Thai food and cupcakes, and drank alllll the sangria. I didn’t throw a bouquet, we didn’t do a first dance, and at the time of writing I still have my last name, but none of the feminist choices we made would’ve meant a damn thing if I didn’t marry a feminist. 

Don’t get me wrong, it’s so important to critique and interrogate misogynistic and capitalist traditions, but Sheryl Sandberg was right when she said, “The most important career choice you’ll make is who you marry.” Choosing a feminist partner is the most important decision you can make. It’s one of the most important choices you’ll make for your emotional and physical health and for your career. Choosing the correct partner is everything.

(For the record: choosing a partner, or multiple partners, doesn’t require marriage, because sometimes foregoing it altogether is the best thing you can do for your feminist ideology.)

So here’s the thing, plan the hell out of your feminist union. Don’t wear white, be kind to our environment, and make sure you exercise conscious capitalism throughout. But at the end of the day it doesn’t matter if your wedding vows omit the words “honor and obey” if one person in the relationship exercises privilege and power over the other. You can’t have a feminist wedding without a feminist partner. End of story. So before you plan a wedding make sure you’ve found the right partner, because it really is one of the most important choices you can make. After that the rest just kind of falls into place.

Does your partner identify as a feminist? Why or why not?

Weekly Feminist Happenings January 28th to February 3rd

Changing Sex

Tuesday, January 28th

Rally for Equality: The Legislature begins session and we need to show them what Utah values really are: equality and fairness. Come show your support for marriage equality and non-discrimination. Details: Starts at 5 p.m. at the Utah State Capitol (350 North State Street, Salt Lake City, Utah).

Wednesday, January 29th

Blue Revolution: Unmaking America’s Water Crisis: Americans see water as abundant and cheap: We turn on the faucet and out it gushes, for less than a penny a gallon. We use more water than any other culture in the world, much to quench what’s now our largest crop – the lawn. Yet many Americans cannot name the river or aquifer that flows to our taps, irrigates our food and produces our electricity. And most don’t realize their freshwater sources are in trouble. In her talk Blue Revolution: A Water Ethic for America, award-winning journalist Cynthia Barnett describes an illusion of water abundance that has encouraged everyone, from homeowners to farmers to utilities, to tap more and more. She proposes the most important part of the solution is a shared water ethic among citizens, government and major water users. Details: From 12:15 to 1:30 p.m. at the S.J. Quinney College of Law (332 S. 1400 E.).

Friday, January 31st

Changing Sex/Changing Sexuality — Reimagining the Mutability of Sex, Gender and Sexual Orientation in Science and Law: Historically, the law has embraced popular understandings of sex and gender as set at birth, binary in nature, common to all people, and unchangeable across the lifespan. In turn, the law has cast individuals who deviate from this vision as mentally ill, emotionally unstable, and unworthy of legal protection. At the same time, the law has long viewed homosexuality as a behavior or choice, and therefore sought to prevent lesbians and gay men from recruiting others into a deviant “lifestyle.” The LGBT movement has countered this claim by insisting that a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity cannot be chosen, changed, or controlled.

This Symposium brings together scholars from a broad range of disciplines including biology, anthropology, psychology, cultural studies, and law to explore the significance of change and variation in scientific and legal understandings of sex and sexuality and the implications of these understandings for LGBT rights.

Details: From 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. Registration is required. Register here.


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