5 Things You Need to Stop Doing to Other Women

trixie mattel

Feminism isn’t monolithic. Just as gender is a spectrum, so is the expression of feminist ideologies. We know that some women shave their legs, others don’t. Some eat meat, and others would rather munch on tofu. The differences in feminism are a byproduct of our lived experiences and intersections of identity, and sometimes they are a result of where you are in your development of a feminist consciousness. Despite all of the differences amongst feminists from different walks of life, one thing is certain:  feminism is about respecting your sisters in the struggle.

Feminism is about affirming each other’s gender expression, political choices, and life decisions as long as they are not harming others or upholding racist, homophobic, ableist, or transphobic institutions.

Stop playing the body-shaming game.

The body shaming game is the unhealthy tendency for one woman to comment on a body part she hates, and then the next woman starts in. Jane, “I hate my legs. They’re so fat.” Sally, “Your legs are perfect. I would take your legs if I could get rid of these flabby arms.” It’s a warped one-upping of body-shaming. Refuse to play it with your friends.

Quit bad mouthing other women.

It doesn’t matter if they are celebrities, neighbors, or “that bitch that stole your boyfriend.” Women hating other women is a byproduct of living in a capitalist patriarchy that tells us that other women are competition for men, money, and other resources. Rising tides raise all ships (and smash the patriarchy).

Quit calorie counting together.

I consider myself a fit feminist, and I understand wanting to eat healthy, but let’s stop getting together and naming every bite of food that has passed our lips during the day. It’s one thing to treat your body in a way that makes you feel healthy, and it’s another to obsess and damn your relationship with food to conform to unrealistic standards of body image.

 Stop gender policing.

Does your best friend like to go out sans-makeup and in sweatpants? That’s great! Does your other friend like to put on enough makeup to put Trixie Mattel to shame? No problem! Gender is a performance folks, and your presentation can change daily, or remain totally fixed, but it’s definitely not your place to tell any ladies in your life how they should present themselves to the world.

Stop slut-shaming.

The woman in aisle 5 at Target has on a short skirt, and eye-popping cleavage. You should just be thinking, “work it, ladyfriend,” and nothing else. Maybe that stranger is heading out for a hot date, just lost a bunch of weight and wants to show it off, or just feels sexy in the clothes she is wearing. Maybe it’s none of those things, but it just doesn’t matter. We already live in a world where women are blamed for their sexual assault based on clothes, don’t make it any worse by critiquing clothes of strangers.

Remember sisters (and I’m not just talking to my cis-ters), we are all in this together. We need to lift each other up, not tear each other down.

How do you show women in your life love? Tell us in the comments!

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